Up-to-date coverage on faerie wars Circulation: 194,163,747 Issue: 743 | 5th day of Hiding, Y18
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

Back to School: Essentials and ‘Essentially Avoid’s


by eyrieze

--------

I know, I know. You’re all on your summer vacation and you can’t believe there’s an article about going back to school when it’s the last thing you want to think about. Here’s the thing though: school will come back faster than you think. When it does, you don’t want to be the lone Quiggle who’s still wearing a Yes Boy Ice Cream shirt, that’s just embarrassing. You’ll thank us for giving you all the details on the must-haves and have-nots this early.

Essential:

Chia Pencil Sharpener

An adorable Chia design is sure to please everyone. Chias love seeing such a cute representation of themselves, while Lupes seeing such a plump portrayal of their favorite food. Plus, the semi-morbid way this sharpener works (it involves jabbing the pencil into his arm socket!) is sure to provide hours of gross fun for a pet of any age.

Elephante Pencil Case

This unassuming pencil case appears to be a basic blue glance at first glance. Then you see the tiny pink detail and two black ovals at the end and you think to yourself, “Oh, what a hip and modern touch.” It’s only when you’re at home and transferring your stationery from your old pencil case to this new one that the whole picture becomes clear. “It’s an Elephante’s trunk!” you yell to yourself in your room. You laugh for not realizing earlier, smile, and before you know it the lights are out and you’re in bed. Now you’re excited for the first day of school and your mind is racing, thinking about all the other students who won’t see the trunk at first. Oh how smart you’ll be for knowing all along!

Waffle Pencil Case

If subtle imagery isn’t your thing, this Waffle Pencil Case is the perfect antithesis. It’s simple and to the point. A pencil case that looks like a waffle. What could be better than that? Just don’t accidentally drown it in syrup and butter!

Cool Negg Eraser

This ultra-exclusive eraser is a tough find. In fact, it’s so tough to find, no one’s ever seen it before! Just imagine how cool you’ll be if you’re the one to bring this eraser to school. With its chillingly awesome shades and a smirk that could melt Terror Mountain, bringing a Cool Negg Eraser will no doubt secure your reputation with the Insane Neoquest crowd.

Striped Notebook

Any good student needs a great notebook, and that’s what this Striped Notebook is. Designed in that classic Striped Paintbrush pattern, it’s something different but not overwhelming or kitschy. The lighter pink shades complement the sky-blue to create a notebook fit for any pet, boy or girl, of any age.

Red Scorchio Lunchbox

Who doesn’t love watching a good match of Altador Cup in the summer? Avid fans may recall the red Scorchio referee that constantly oversees the thrilling games that go down under the Altadorian sun. What you may not know is that the young Scorchio featured here is that very same referee, only much younger. The reason this design is still in circulation? It’s just so popular. And who could argue? It’s both adorable and functional. Uhh, I think we all know who the real star of the Altador Cup is by now (hint: it’s not Loryche).

Eyrie Sweater

I won’t lie and say the print on this sweater isn’t a little bit… dated. But that’s precisely where its charms lie! Nostalgia is le chic right now and nothing says your fashion style is on point more than this sweater. Wear it with modern bottoms and you’ve magically transformed yourself into an anachronistic cool kid with an appreciation for simpler times. Plus, this sweater is affordable and easily found in secondhand shops across Neopia! There’s no reason not to get this.

JubJub Coconut Watch

It’s summer and nothing says summer like an island getaway. Substitute an expensive (and honestly, very uncomfortable) boat ride to Mystery Island with this JubJub Coconut Watch. The simplicity of the watch face is very contemporary, but its slightly “damaged” design lends it a rustic vibe and gives artistic credence. One look at this watch and you’re instantly transported to a Tiki Tour along the coast or an exciting cultural expedition to Geraptiku. You can even lie and say you got it on your family vacation to Mystery Island! It’s okay, I won’t tell!

Brightvale in December Postcard

I know you’re looking at this card and wondering. Why would you get a postcard for school? Why is the image wintery? What’s a December? Hush down, dear child, and let me explain.

First things first, this postcard is the perfect thing to bring to school because it’s a great conversation starter. A postcard is a spotlight-stealer. Bring a postcard from an exotic locale and before you know it everybody’s in class under your spell, waiting to hear about how you ate Draik Eggs with the locals.

Plus, this postcard is extra special, because it showcases Brightvale in December. What’s December? December is actually a local celebration the people of Brightvale hold annually during the month of Swimming. During December, the citizens of Brightvale rely on potions crafted by Kayla to bring down snow and to fight off the heat. December lasts long enough until the weather gets too cold, at which point Illusen steps in and brings back the sun. It’s a celebration of the seasons and a reminder to appreciate what you have.

What’s that? You’re from Brightvale and you’re saying my story is false? December is just another name for the month of Celebrating? No, no. You don’t know what you’re talking about.

Gummy Apple Mootix

Everyone loves gummies and these tart Gummy Apple Mootix are the perfect thing to usher in the fall. Feel autumn coming by tasting the crispness of green apples. It’s magically maintained even as you bite into the soft chewy gummies! The adorable Mootix design? Icing on the gummy cake.

Essentially Avoid:

Balloon Pen

Sure, this pen looks cute at first. The two balloons add a whimsical touch and they look real. At this very moment you’re thinking of bringing this pen out to the basketball court, inflating the two balloons, and flying away from P.E. class.

You know what? You can’t.

Those balloons? They’re not real. They’re molded plastic. The best things they can do is distract you in class while you’re trying to do math and get you accused of trying to send secret signals.

Bottom line: avoid at all costs.

Grey Notebook

Yikes! This is definitely not the way to start off the school year. No one likes feeling grey and this notebook doesn’t help solve that problem. It’s dull, depressing, and to be honest very impractical. Whenever I tried writing in the book it’d just fold over on itself and the ink of my pen would bleed through the page and look like tears. No Bueno.

Albert Lunchbox

You’ll definitely attract attention with this lunchbox! Too bad it’ll be all for the wrong reasons. Sure, people will say it’s cool at first and you’ll love all the people coming to see this lunchbox, but I warn you, it’s a slippery slope. Before you know it you’ll be wearing a Count Von Roo cape to school and saying Jhudora is just cool and misunderstood, and people will be accusing you of taking it too far.

AVOID.AT.ALL.COSTS.

Inky Eraser

Another grey item that’s just not good. All this eraser does is replace your pencil marks with ink stains. Eraser? More like replacer?

Definitely replace ‘er (this eraser).

Grey Pencil Case

There’s a pattern here with grey stationery and I hope you see it.

Can Telephone

Umm, are you kidding?

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

Reasons To Downsize Your Pets!
I realized that my hope for future pets was being hampered by the fact that I already had 20 pets. I decided to give away 3 pets to random people on the Pound Neoboard, and reserved my 3 Royals for my closest Neofriends. That means I only own 14 pets right now, and I'm truly relieved!

by indulgences

---------

Orlitz and the Search for the Emerald Crown: Part Five
To Orlitz’s surprise, Emilia was staying in a room at the lodge, not far from her own. The Cybunny had tailed the Aisha from the restaurant, taking care not to be spotted by the thief.

by josephinefarine

---------

Aisha Problems - Battle
Cookiez?! COOKIEZ?! GET UP!

by lpshannah_908

---------

Paint Brush Problem #1483
Fire pets make terrible gardeners.

Also by waning.

by sophieauditore




Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.